Reflections

It's hard to believe it's been over a year since I wrote anything here. The last time I did my life was full of renewed hope and expectations some of which have been met and exceeded but in other ways I've crashed & burned; I just hope there's a little bit of phoenix somewhere in my genes.

The good bits first.

I found a great writers group. It was difficult at first, so many of the members are established professional writers or very accomplished amateurs, but they made me welcome and I've made some good friends. Better still, working with them has given me the confidence to push my own writing that bit further. I even won a couple of awards! Now I just have to find the confidence to submit something for publication.

The not so good.

I managed to find work, not bad for someone who had been out of the work place for 3 years so had no up to date skills. Unfortunately it didn't last long as it was with a bank in the middle of the financial crisis. I didn't get laid off, I couldn't stand the appalling way they treated their customers or the bullying culture within the organisation; so I left. Stupid I know but morality has always won over common sense with me. I took another job in an office but, just like the bank, they managed through bullying and intimidation. I could have stayed and fought but health problems were being worsened by the working conditions so I gave up another job.

Which brings me to the bad bit.

I have a meningioma, which is a type of brain tumour, but in my case it's wrapped around my optic nerve. A swelling behind my eye was discovered during a routine eye test just 10 days after we arrived in the UK and was eventually diagnosed as a meningioma after 2 MRI scans and consultations with an ophthalmologist and a neurosurgeon.

Fortunately it's benign; probably. Because of the location they can't do a biopsy and removal is impossible so it'll be fractionated radiotherapy sometime very soon to stop it from growing. They can't shrink it though so once the treatment is over I'll be exploring new career options as the damage to my eyesight is irreversible and I can no longer use computers quickly enough for a commercial environment. My sight is still good but my eyes don't work together properly so fast scanning of screens is difficult, as is concentrating on a computer screen for any length of time.

But I'm one of the lucky ones; it could have been so much worse. If we hadn't moved countries it might not have been discovered for years, it's not malignant and the doctors can preserve most of my sight. I'm counting my blessings.

Good things to come.

We're in the process of buying a very old cottage which will take some months to restore but when it's done will give us more space and I will have a study to work in and maybe make those writing dreams come true. It's always good to have a dream.